For those who don't know . . . I was a scout as a youth, rising to Eagle Scout just short of my 18th birthday.
I got very lucky as a freshman in college -- I happened to wear a National Scout Jamboree T-shirt to my first day of classes, which led to lunch with a fellow Eagle -- which led to him giving me a ride to a troop meeting that night, and 3 years as an Assistant Scoutmaster while a full time college student.
I dropped out of college after my Junior year and started night school, and spent a year as an Assistant Scoutmaster of Troop 3 in Springfield IL before serving almost exactly 4 years as Scoutmaster of Troop 3. Then I packed up and moved 70 miles northeast, where I served as Scoutmaster of Troop 18 in Bloomington IL for just short of 6 years before transitioning to Troop 18's Chartered Organization Rep for about a year.
Being a Scoutmaster necessarily entails dealing with a lot of parents, and often when they aren't on their best behavior. As part of a parent's guide I put together years ago, I listed "The Dirty Dozen Parents" and subtitled it "How not to Become a Campfire Story" -- names and identifying details have been changed . . . and I should point out that of the 12 stories listed here, 6 of the boys ended up earning their Eagle. (And one of the parents mentioned had multiple Eagles in the house)
So here, the Dirty Dozen, in the spirit of providing an example you should NOT follow:
By the way, I'm NOT the scoutmaster listed in number 4, although I am the scoutmaster in all of the other stories.
The Dirty Dozen
Or
“How to Become a
Campfire Story”
Over the years, as hundreds of young men have come through
the troop, a number of parents have stood out from the crowd for the negative
experience they caused in dealing with the troop. Here’s a quick primer in ways YOU can become
one of the “Dirty Dozen.”
1. 1. Be a “Helicopter Parent” – hovering over your
scout every moment of every event, to protect him from ANY responsibility for his
own progress or safety. Story: While preparing to depart for a camp
out, a scout’s mother angrily informed the scoutmaster that “My son says on the
last trip, he didn't wear his seat belt in the car. What are YOU going to do about it?”
2. 2. Assume that BSA Safety Rules don’t apply to
you. Story:
as the troop prepared for a whitewater trip, a parent announced that he wouldn't allow his son to go in a canoe without him.
Problem – dad was neither willing nor able to pass the BSA Swimmer test,
which means he’s not allowed to be in a canoe at all. His response: “The rules don’t apply to me
because I’m not a boy.” The resolution:
neither father nor son went on the trip.
3. 3. Blame the Troop/BSA/Scoutmaster or someone else
for your failure to update your records.
Story: When the troop calendar was
originally published in August, the time for the FEBRUARY outing was
incorrect. The time was corrected when
the error was noticed in November. The
correction was announced at a troop Court of Honor in November, mentioned at
four Troop Committee Meetings, announced every week for three months in
meetings, and sent home on a permission slip the parents signed. ONE scout and his father came in mid-February
at the original time from the August calendar.
The father very loudly blamed the Scoutmaster for changing the time,
despite the fact that 35 other families had gotten correct information.
4. 4. Assume that BSA Advancement Requirements can be
bent in order to benefit your scout. Story: A young man about to get his driver’s
license was quickly losing interest in Scouting. He finished his Eagle project which included
building and painting two outhouses at a local youth campground. When filling out his Eagle Scout Application,
it was discovered that he was short ONE merit badge, so his Assistant
Scoutmaster dad signed off on Painting Merit Badge (“my son PAINTED those
buildings”). Because the merit badge card
had been signed, and reported to Council before the problem was found, the boy
was awarded Painting MB, but the Scoutmaster refused to allow him to count it
toward his Eagle. He ended up earning
one extra merit badge.
5. 5. Wrap up your own self-worth in your Scout’s
achievements. Story: A group of gifted young men joined the troop all at the same
time. One of them was the son of his WEBELOS Leader, who became a Troop
Committee Member. The son was a good
scout, but others were better, and the son was not elected to the Order of the
Arrow on the first ballot for which he was eligible. Two of his peers were. When the OA Calling-out Ceremony concluded
and the boy had not been called out, the father threw his hat on the ground and
began loudly cursing about how unfair it was that his son hadn't been elected. Resolution: the District Executive asked the
father to control his temper or leave; and soon after, the father and son both
quit scouting.
6. 6. Assume that your scout can do no wrong, and that
his misbehavior is justifiable and excused.
Story: a Scout had some truly
terrible things happen to him in his younger days, and was now living with his
Grandmother. Grandmother assured him
that whatever he wanted or felt at that moment was correct; any behavior of his
was justified because of the bad things that had happened. He often argued and fought with other scouts
who had to deal with him. Final straw –
when planning a menu he bullied the rest of his patrol into pancakes, when they
wanted something requiring less work. On
that camp out, when he realized how much work the clean-up crew would have to
do, he demanded that the patrol switch to instant oatmeal. (There was enough
for each patrol member to have one envelope of oatmeal each day) When the Assistant Patrol Leader objected,
this scout punched him in the face.
Grandmother was so unhappy that she had been asked to come pick up her
Scout from the camp out that she wrote letters to the Chartering Organization
and the Council Office complaining of unfair treatment. The boy moved to another troop and lasted
less than a year before being asked to leave due to fighting.
7. 7. Make substitutions in assignments sent home with
your scout – especially assignments for scouts in a position of
responsibility. Story – the instructions for a camp out in early March included “every
meal should include a hot main dish.”
During Friday night, while the troop slept, temperatures plummeted and
snow fell. Saturday morning, the troop
woke to a half inch of snow and 15 degree temperatures. Three of the four patrols in the troop built
fires and got hot food. The fourth
patrol, despite having bacon and eggs on their menu, didn’t light a fire or
cook their food. When the SPL checked on
them, he found that the Patrol Leader’s mother had decided the menu was “too
much work” and had replaced everything on it.
The patrol had cold cereal for breakfast, pb&J for lunch and hot
dogs for dinner, with no buns (“so they could have a weenie roast” said
mom.) Short term result – a group of
scouts so miserable that the troop pulled out after lunch on Saturday to come home
early. Long term result – instead of
completing the cooking requirement for First Class Scout, no one in that patrol
did. Their advancement to First Class
was delayed two months until they could meet the requirement.
8. 8. Assume that the troop’s rules don’t apply to
your scout. Story: In the late 90’s when cell phones were still fairly rare and
expensive, a troop had a rule (really intended for video games and music
players) that electronic devices could only be used in the cars on the way to
or from a camp out and that the troop was not responsible for the devices. (The actual wording in a parent’s guide was
“Don’t send any electronic device you’re not willing to have broken or
lost.”) New scout, away from home for
the first time, had mom’s brand new flip-phone with him, hidden in his
gear. Saturday afternoon, he used the
phone to call mom and tell her he was having a great time, put the phone in his
pocket and promptly fell into the creek beside the campsite. In the process of getting out of the creek,
the phone, which was probably already wet, fell out of his pocket. When it was found in the muddy water 10-15
minutes later, it was thoroughly ruined.
Mom was very upset with the troop, and tried to get the troop and church
to replace her phone.
9. 9. Ignore troop financial rules and policies. Story: Scout
mom had checks for scout popcorn made out to her instead of the troop. She wrote a single check to the troop for all
of her son’s popcorn sales. The first
time the troop attempted to cash the check it was returned for insufficient
funds. She was called by the Committee
Chair and promised that it could be cashed at the end of the week. The second time the troop attempted to cash
the check, the account had been closed.
The mom refused to answer the phone or door, until a registered letter
was sent giving her 30 days to make good her debt (which was the majority of
the troop’s profit) or the Chartering Organization would file a criminal
complaint. She eventually paid the troop
back, and had never intended to take the money – she just thought it would be
more convenient to have the checks made to her so she wouldn't lose them.
1 10. Be overly attentive to your scout’s perceived
problems. Story: First year camper had a
few rough patches in his week at camp.
Thursday morning, he’d cut his finger badly enough to require
stitches. Friday morning, he was told he couldn't participate in an aquatic event because stitches and lake water don’t mix. In tears, he used the camp payphone
to call home and ask mom to come get him – which she did. She did not, however, sign him out or inform
anyone except his 11 year old tent mate that he was leaving. When the scout was not present at lunch and
the scout’s mom couldn't be reached on the phone, the Camp Director insisted on
following policy and called for a lost camper drill. The other 75 or so scouts in camp that week
lost more than an hour of their Friday afternoon activities while camp was
searched until the mom returned the phone call and confirmed she had her son.
111.
Fail to keep outcomes in perspective. Story:
On a rainy camp out, a young scout was warned three times not to leave a
skillet of bacon grease unattended on the camp stove while he moved bacon to
another pan to stay warm while he cooked.
After the third warning, the unattended grease caught fire in a crowded
dining fly. The assistant cook using the
other burner was slightly burned, and an adult leader had to toss the burning
pan out into the rain. The inattentive
cook was chewed out by the Scoutmaster.
At the next committee meeting, his mom complained about the
chewing-out. Another leader who had been
present said: “You DO realize he nearly set another scout on fire, right? We would have had a real problem if our
adults had been even a little slower.”
The upset mother said “That’s not important – the scoutmaster could have
done real psychological damage to my son.”
The mother of the boy who was burned disagreed.
112.
Assume that any scout who advances faster than
your scout must be cheating somehow. Story: A truly exceptional young man
completed his Eagle Scout requirements about 60 days before he turned 13. The mother of another scout in the troop
accused the troop of “cheating” because both of the young Eagle’s parents were
involved in troop leadership and had counseled him for Merit Badges. The accuser said “He’s only an Eagle so young
because his parents GAVE him those badges.”
At the direction of the Troop Committee Chair, the Scoutmaster produced
a list of all of the merit badges taught by the young Eagle’s parents and who
had earned them. Turned out the
accuser’s son had earned three more merit badges from the Eagle’s parents than
the Eagle had. One of the three was a
topic the Eagle wasn't interested in, and the other two were still in progress
because the Eagle hadn't finished the requirements to his parents’ standards,
and the accuser’s son had.
